I’ve been thinking for a while that since 2020 or so I haven’t had a really concrete project. There’s been volunteering, there’s been some writing, some cycling, but nothing like a long charity bike ride or month long trip to India. No “big deal” thing.
I’m realizing now, though, that now that we’re living in The Continual Drama, carving out a space for calm in the world while helping where I can is serving the same purpose as a vacation might have done 10 years ago. Ten years ago I might have flown thousands of kilometres to explore another country or ridden on my bike for a week or two, now the recharging is necessary enough that taking goodness on a constant slow drip keeps me afloat.
This is the third draft of this post because it kept coming out wrong. The first draft was angled toward how strange it was that my life has become relatively calm and normal. The next one was more focused on the lack of a big project and how I usually feel bereft without one but now maybe I’ve matured and feel fine knowing one will come. And then this morning as I was reading Naomi Alderman’s recent essay, How to be OK When Things are Shit, the answer came to me. (Just as an aside, in my personal life, things are as good as they can get. I have zero complaints. The world outside our apartment is a different story.) Just having and appreciating the small normal things in our days feels restorative in times when the world is so far from normal.
And so, it occurs to me that it may be useful to share the things that are keeping me grounded when things are far from great in the outside world. Once again, it’s likely time for me to share some – and this time I’m going to try to share things not just good news from the world, but smaller things happening in the day to day that are helping keep my mental state above water. When the pandemic was raging outside, reading good news, spending loads of time outside and quality time with my family were as important as masks and vaccines were to keeping me healthy. Now the issues outside are different but the need to care for one’s self is still just as important..
First off, you know I’ve talked about it lots and I’ll continue to talk about it because it means so much to me. Some of you have heard me talk about this in person or online. Reading is for me the single most important thing to keeping my mental state in order. Whether it was growing up with alcoholic parents, dealing with teenage drama in university, or getting through a pandemic, having a book to focus on, learn from or escape into is essential. A pro-tip, though: what you read is also important. What you take in is important and should be balanced with what other things you’re reading and the world at large. . Are you navigating interpersonal issues at home or work? Read something more cozy. If you’re a person who reads multiple books at once, with practice you can get to the point where you can learn to balance: read that heavy book about climate change but also have a light book to escape into. Your mileage may vary but I find that when this balance gets disrupted I’ll find myself in a really low mood and it often takes a while to get to the point where I realize that that book filled with climate grief or human suffering is the only thing I’m reading other than the news. A quick re-balance and occasional admission that a book isn’t the right choice for me right now is often all it takes to get a little more hopeful.
What? You fell out of the habit of reading and hope to get back into it – or you never really got into it? Naomi Alderman is here for you again. She’s come up with a delightful idea: a Couch to 5K for reading. When I first started running I’d never run except at school. This program started me slowly with a mix of walking and running until after a few weeks I ran my first 5K race. Later I did a 10K and even got to where I could run a half marathon – all from making running seem simple to start and improve. That’s what her series is doing for reading – and it’s really inspiring even to those of us who already read a ton. So give it a shot.
Another thing that’s keeping me happy is cycling, of course. The weather has been lovely albeit sometimes a bit hot and/or smoky outside. I’ve not been putting in the really long distances I have in the past but I am getting out some for shorter ones – 40-80 km. These are easier to squeeze in and balance with family whereas a 200+km ride meant not only giving up 1/2 my Hindi classes, I had to give up all my volunteering to get out the door at 6AM and roll in 12-14 hours later. A couple weeks ago that meant I could combine two lovely things. The first is an 82 kilometre ride. I headed west on the Finch Hydro corridor – bikes only for that bit, a short stretch on a quiet road and then back on bike-only infrastructure of various types until I got to a gravel carfree road, some singletrack paths, and out the other side where I found some more paths by the side of (very busy) roads that led me to a restaurant advertising a “Paratha Thali” (1 methi, one onion paratha, homemade pickle, homemade yogurt and even homemade butter!) Then believe it or not EVEN MORE bike infrastructure. Looking at the stats from my route it looks like 9 km of my 82 km route were on a road of any time (and most were quiet) – that’s 88% off-road for 73 km. Not bad, eh? And there were many ducks, lots of geese, 3 cranes and a rabbit. And look what a beautiful day that was:
Not that this fixes the world, but it’s a recharge, for sure, knowing that at least a few things are right in the world.
The route took me from our house to a far off subway station on another line. I rolled my bike onto the subway and rode it home – just in time to shower, and head back out with Sage to meet Daegan back in the west end. The reason was a fun one: we used Mapcrunch again to choose a random country and then went to look for food from that country. We ended up at Lokum Eats in the Junction on Dundas West having Turkish food on a delightful evening. The food, whose photos I’ve since lost, was delicious. Sage and I had manti – dumplings in yogurt sauce (beef for me, veggie for her) and Daegan got Borek, a beef filled pastry. I’ve had very little Turkish food so it was a new experience for me. The flavours were amazing. Along with it, we also had Turkish coffee. I did, however, manage to get a photo of that. So delicious!
Like all of our outings tend to be, the destination and experience were nice, but the entire package, from door to door was a delight with lots of chatting and laughter. More and more I’m becoming aware of moments when I am in them and just feel happy and grateful for them. I’m appreciating even the smallest ones sometimes. Sage laughs almost every time I do this but every night when I lie down in the bed just before I read, I exclaim in happiness at just the fact that it feels good to lie down.
None of this directly impacts the world, but does help give us the energy to bring good into the world – whether it’s volunteering, leaving secret positive messages around the city, or being the kindest subway operator in Toronto. (I swear he’s inspiring other operators to also be more friendly) – seriously, listen to him – he’s one of my favourite humans doing necessary and important work in the world!
